It is hard to reminisce at the times I have had, without the feeling of immense nostalgia and pride. The longing to repeat those moments again and live through them one more time. It must be the photographer in me, my wanting to capture moments and bring them back to life again and again. I am drawn to looking back as strongly as I look forward.
This year marks 15 years in business, and if you were to ask me when I started what I thought 5 years or 10 years or even now would look like, it would have been some prophecy of dreams. I have lived some of my dreams out, travelling and meeting incredible people. I have humbled, in many ways and found awe in places I never would have imagined 15 years ago.
2004, it was a start, we all start somewhere. At that point, I had been a working photographer (being paid) for about 3 years. Only 2 years before I had my start trying to fit all I can see inside a box for later. Back then I could be exigent, thinking I had it all figured out. Looking back on that, I think I was full of drive to accomplish something I was satisfied with, to create art. I was never satisfied, artistically I always had something in my head which I wanted to acheive or make better.
I remember looking forward to opening the envelope in the lab after dropping off the film. I miss the film’s intangible moments that cause thought and reflection. Now the medium has less bearing for me and the end result is all I seek. The patience and care for the process is what is often reminisced about when thinking of film. I still shoot 4X5, 120, and at times 35mm but it’s a novelty to me where it was once a study.
I miss the discovery of what is in the envelope, but I love the discovery on the computer as well. I find the same satisfaction in digital by avoiding the preview of photos. I find it through keeping in the moment as I photograph and interact with my subjects. The review and discovery came later and with it, the elation of capturing that perfect photo among the others. Replicating the process seems to be what happened when I made the transition to digital photography.
Of those who have been there for me since the beginning, they were my parents and grandparents asking me when I will go and find a real job, but then changing their tune when they could see how it supported my life and fulfilled my goals. With their cautious pushing, I learned to be independent to a fault and to stubbornly look forward to prove I could do ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ was at the time. My parents, all four of them, still only want the best for me, and they still support me every step of the way, for which I am grateful.
My larger family – aunts, uncles, and cousins who have all supported me through the years by enthusiastically putting money down for my services, and allowing me to work hard to create memories for them. In the first 3 years of business, I had 4 of my cousins who got married, and they all hired me. Their start with their partners, started my business off in the right direction.
Over the years I have had the fortune of friends who have stayed along for the exciting ride and who have been there for me when I sometimes needed assistant help at a session with a client, or when I hoped they would show up on long days with snacks to keep me going. I can remember the fun times doing dusk-to-dawn photo sessions with friends, running around the city and exploring our creativity, pushing eachother to be daring, while learning to collaborate. Those friendships have been invaluable over the years. Many of my friends are now accomplished photographers in their own right, and I am grateful that they have opened my eyes to new methods, and have driven me to explore and experiment too.
From the inner circles to the outer circles of my relationships, I come to my clients, those of you over these last 15 years that found trust in the vision and wanted to make it feel like we had been friends for a lifetime. I have met people from around the world thanks to you, and travelled far and wide while working. Making incredible artwork from both sides of the Atlantic, from Canada to Europe, Asia and everywhere between. I am thankful to every client that has been loyal to me and have trusted me with their most special moments in life. I love to look back over the years of change that has occurred to the families each new time I photograph them and I am full of honour to have helped them celebrate and remember.
I have no clue what the future holds, but I can feel the little hairs on the back of my neck raise as I think about it. I have started a family, my son will mould me in new ways and hold me accountable, I will be completely responsible in an entirely new way. It will be my greatest adventure without any doubt. I have a second chance at a relationship with a girl, now a woman, that held my heart years ago, and still holds it now only stronger. Second chances don’t come along often, but the connection between us will never be severed. It’s been a year of adjustment and time apart but the connection is still as strong.
I can imagine looking back on this some years in the future, and reminisce over the paragraphs above, just like photographs which would bring me back to those precious moments when things were. I hope the next 5 years don’t fly by as quickly as the last 15 have, but I hope that they are as fortunate. I have to say – thank you, and I am grateful for everything.
Cheers
Ryan Rowell
Below, you will find some of the images from over the years, and if this was paper, you may find a few tears from my crying as I assembled the set of images. I seemed a little like Jeremy Clarkson on his final episode.
